This is a public service announcement: the Demon Month is living up to its name this year.

For those unaware, April is the great Satan of my personal mythology for iterated miseries stretching back to undergrad.  Each year brings new horrors as the winter ice melts away and Spring takes its time waking up. And just for the record, T.S.Eliot totally backs me up on this one.

Well, this year has been no exception. Here’s the current tally.

Strike One: Insomnia. For a week. It’s great, because I’m so SUPER functional on no sleep. Not to mention cheery as the birds in springtime!  Of course, the birds in Madison ain’t so cheery, considering we’re not even HAVING flippin’ springtime. Which brings me to…

Strike Two: Thunder and lightning one day, then the threat of snow for a week. Cute. How much did you slip the weather god’s secretary to schedule THAT little meteorological miracle? Relatedly,

Strike Three: Combining One and Two yielded a tardy and discombobulated Julie who decided it was a good idea to ride her bike out into the middle of said thunder storm. “Oh, tis but a spot of rain!” she thought, donning her boots and pedaling out into the street. Yeah, five minutes later, when it was too late to turn back for the bus, and the heavens opened up and the aerial light show got under way, I was singing a different tune. It sounded like this: “AAAAAH! Shitshitshitshit-please-don’t-lightning-on-me-shitshitshit!”  That little ditty got me all the way to campus where I rammed poor Simon into an empty (surprise!) bike rack and hustled to shelter under the awning of the zoology building. I caught my breath, then literally wrung about a quart of water out of my skirt (yeah, I was wearing a skirt through this ordeal).

And then I went and taught a 75 minute discussion on all the Botany my undergraduates have learned in the last five weeks. Nice touch, Hell Month.

Strike 4: The computer on which I am obstinately typing has had a little make-over. Possibly an after effect of the thunderstorm two days ago, or perhaps just a spiteful caprice of this godforsaken 31 day massacre.  Instead of an evenly toned display screen, I’m not looking through some rather artfully arranged pink and pale green vertical stripes.  Fitting as this color pallet would have been a couple weeks ago for Easter, I’m not really in the mood for a candy egg hunt every time I flip open my Lenovo.  So, it’s off to the repair folks tomorrow to see if there’s any hope.

Bravo, April, well played. Good to know you haven’t lost your stamina or ingenuity over these many years.  I applaud your technique, and grant you a worthy opponent.

But hear this, Hell Month. You can hit me, and you can hit me hard. I expect nothing less. Just know this: It. Is. On.


4 thoughts on “April.

  1. Always looook on the brrrriiiiight side of life (whistling)…..
    Some things in life are bad
    They can really make you mad
    Other things just make you swear and curse.
    When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
    Don’t grumble, give a whistle
    And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

  2. Pingback: Suck it, Insomnia | Ridiculum Vitae

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