Like any respectable (read: obsessed) cat owner, I make frequent notes on my cat Meta’s behavior and its implications for life on earth. Here are several collected from the past few days.
Nov 23, 1:46 PM, A Series of Evidence-Based Hypotheses
When I hold up a toy, my cat runs away in anticipation of my throwing it. Then when I actually throw it, he merely watches it fall. He may be a Time Lord. Or a Buddhist Monk. I suspect his chances of making it into major league baseball are slimmer than previously understood.
Nov 23, 11:45 PM, General Observation
Cats are cray-cray. And I’ve just been informed that cray-cray is dead. I am several years late to this party. The metaphorical champagne is flat.
Nov 24, 3:57 PM, Delusions of Grandeur
My cat’s contribution to my thesis: “74444444444444444444444444”. Surely this has some sort of epic, 42-esque significance to him and provides a cryptic answer to one of life’s unanswered questions. Or, possibly, one of my research questions. Surely. I had better leave it in.
Nov 25, 2:01 AM, An Open Letter Not Initially About My Cat. But then, all open letters are about my cat.
Your lessons are not comforting.
Still, I’m still grateful you are there for me to stare at and occasionally talk to.
In this way, you are much like my cat.
Nov 25, 2:28 AM, Paranoia Sets In, A Solution In the Form of SCIENCE Presents Itself
My cat may be digging a hole through the floor beneath my bed. I can hear determined scratching and he does not respond to my calls. Clearly, he is too far gone in his task to be roused from the flow state now. If I’m dead tomorrow, it will be because the bed and I both fell through this feline-engineered orifice, right into my rather strange neighbor’s room below. If the fall doesn’t kill me, I suspect one of her curiously jagged “decorations” will.
I’m betting Meta survives, but I doubt he’ll tell the world my story. I’m not sure how he manages to be both useless and lovable at the same time, but I should make an empirical study of it. What an impeccable combination of qualities.
More observations if I survive the night.